“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:5).
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
For I Will Yet Praise Him.
Two steps forward, one step back. We still get there, just a little slower. For the past few years, I've been dealing with health issues with one or the other of my cats. I'll post a future blog about the miracle of my TuffyBear, but today I want to focus on Little J. Little J is 16 and a half years old. He will be 17 on the 4th of July. Little J is actually short for Little Mr. Fourth Of July. For the past year and a half, Little J has been slowly showing his age. Trip after trip to the vet has resulted in very little information and a lot of frustration on the parts of both myself and the vet. Test after test has failed to reveal what was going on with him. He showed many of the symptoms of hyperthyroidism, but his T-Levels were always low and never at a level that would suggest a presence of the disease let alone a necessity for a course of treatment. Yesterday, I took Little J in for another round of testing. I had been in an anxious state of worry for a week wondering what this visit would bring. Little J is the worst I have ever seen him. I think I have been praying for Little J more than I have ever in the past. To many times to count, I would stop what I was doing and say a quick prayer. A prayer for peace, for understanding, for resolution. Mostly I prayed that God would give me the strength to do whatever was necessary for Little J. I worried. I would like to say that I placed it in God's hands and left it there, but I couldn't. I'm weak. Sometimes I would snatch it back and work on it some more and give it up to Him again. But my God is a gracious and wonderous God and does not hold that against me. Today, when the vet called to give me the news that FINALLY Little J was testing in definite levels and we could start following that and treating it....I felt something in me go absolutely weak. I was happy. I was elated. And yet...I could not keep myself from crying. I felt like it was God showing me that He is still in control, still in charge, no matter how much I snatch back those worries. Tonight, I have a sense of peace. Tonight, I find myself stopping in the middle of doing something, closing my eyes, and thanking Him. Repeatedly. And I know, that no matter what comes, no matter the course, I know He will be in control.